Piranha 3D (2010) – on rental. Critters gone amok, and eating up humans while at it. That’s the kind of film I’ll happily watch when I need film entertainment without emotional or brain investment! Piranha 3D is a remake of a classic from 33 years ago. As far as the story goes, you have a big bunch of vicious Piranhas who’ve apparently been hiding and nesting in some hidden fissure below in the ocean’s depths, and surface during a minor earthquake. On the other side, you have lots of humans at Spring Break, of which you get acquainted with a select group that the film intends for you to associate with and scream with horror or laugh when they get massacred by the very hungry and carnivorous fish.
As far as the cast goes, there’s – surprisingly – a couple of recognizable names and faces in what is a solidly B-grade film. There’s Ving Rhames cruising through this film in a supporting role of a Deputy Sheriff before going on to do Mission Impossible 4. Christopher Lloyd shows up in a role that isn’t too far from his Doc Brown from Back to the Future; he discharges the film’s ‘scientific’ information factoids about the dangerous fish. There’s Elizabeth Shue, aging gracefully, as the kick-ass Sheriff. And Richard Dreyfuss shows up in the first 5 minutes of the film as a fisherman, and then promptly gets eaten up as the fish’s first human victim.
All the veterans are playing supporting roles though. The lead cast comprises mostly young adult unknowns, few of whom I suspect were hired for their acting compared to good looks and beautiful bodies. The film conveniently sets itself in Spring Break, that crazed out annual American event where tens and thousands of college kids descend on the nation’s waters in bikinis, booze and lots of wet T-shirts. So yes, there’s a lot of flesh on display, most of it female, at least for the first half of the film before the piranhas start feasting.
The film is also entirely formulaic, which I won’t for a minute fault it for. It’s clearly a homage to all those disaster/horror films involving murderous critters and hapless humans. You get the initial and early scene showing those critters for the first time, but it’ll be a single isolated incident that no one knows the significance of. You get the (brief) introductions of each human character, many of whom will leave you with no impression. You get the second scene showing those critters again tearing through more humans, waking those who’re still mentally-alert. And after a bit of ding-donging about what the threat is about, they finally receive the epiphany – usually with one or two more fish eating incidents happening before their eyes – that they are about to all get swamped. And then, these so-warned humans try to warn everyone else but of course must get ignored. Then all hell breaks loose and lots of humans get eaten up.
If the story’s not going to surprise and the lead cast is a huge Fail, all that leaves you with is the hope that the critters are interesting, and the flesh-eating parades are fun to watch. Unfortunately, it’s a mixed bag in this most critical film component. To sum it up here, it’s messy. All you routinely get to see is a human thrashing about in water, the horde of fishes swamp on it, bits of pieces fly about, and lo behold a few seconds later, you get a half-eaten carcass left!
Maybe it’s because it’s not easy realistically depicting on screen, even with computer-generated graphics, fishes tearing through humans when in the water. You’re after all having to CG thousands of these critters tearing through bits of humans, as opposed to say a single huge white shark biting off someone mid torso. I blame it mostly on the quick cuts though. So, the one big scene where the hordes of piranhas descend on the thousands of Spring Break vacation seekers, the one scene which had the potential of it being very distinct and memorable, is a big mess.
Well, at least the film has no pretensions. It’s intended to be gory and violent, but yet goofy and a parody at spots too involving inedible human genitalia. I actually thought it was fun to watch, though I don’t think Ling will ever care for these films!
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