Comments on: Father, Mother and Baby http://www.chekyang.com/musings/2009/07/08/father-mother-and-baby/ King Kongs and Narnias Tue, 09 Mar 2010 14:58:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Pam http://www.chekyang.com/musings/2009/07/08/father-mother-and-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-906 Pam Fri, 10 Jul 2009 16:50:27 +0000 http://chekyang.com/musings/2009/07/08/father-mother-and-baby/#comment-906 Hey there...good to hear that you have a system for getting lunch for Ling cos it can be very difficult juggling cooking with babycare; in fact, it can be very challenging juggling housework with babycare, esp ironing, unless you keep expectations very very low (I have a friend who manages 3 kids- no maid, all home schooled- they iron only once a month and only their sunday best; dinner is mostly leftovers from lunch, and usually simple and steamed; when very stretched, meals are sandwiches) Thing is- you and Ling need to decide what kind of lifestyle you can live with and what you can't (I have blogged about this topic before some months back- I think it's titled the SAHM- a female perspective; my friend also contributed a male perspective) .... True, it's not entirely fair to dump the whole burden of childrearing on grandparents, not least cos they are older and have less energy (although that being said, they may also want to feel like they can get involved sometimes, esp if they used to work and didn't get the chance to raise their own kids in their time) The issue of maids i often misunderstood.... they need me as much as I need them. I mean, the job gives them a chance to break out of the poverty cycle back home. I actually see it as a form of ministry that I am (I try my best to be) a good employer. After 4 rounds, I am also able to manage them better, so I have evolved my own personal style of being quite firm (and setting fairly standards for housework, service etc) but also being kind (I see to their welfare as women, they get day offs, bonuses, perks, care packages home etc). In return, I am relieved of the more menial tasks so I can concentrate on the more "higher order" aspects of parenting- spending quality time with the kids, playing with them, educating them; I still get involved in the laborious stuff sometimes (bathing, feeding, changing diaper, doing sleep routine), but I can take a break and leave the house for supper with A after the kids have slept if I need to, or we can have our date nights on Sat in peace, knowing our kids are well looked after in our absence (my mum is only over in the weekdays). Most pple who do without maid/part-time help (or even those with) opt for half-day full day childcare (I know some families with wife at home who also do that), cos eventually, everyone needs a break, and there comes a time (around 3) when the kids' social/ educational needs so expands that even the parents and family members can't meet it anymore in its entirety. Hey there…good to hear that you have a system for getting lunch for Ling cos it can be very difficult juggling cooking with babycare; in fact, it can be very challenging juggling housework with babycare, esp ironing, unless you keep expectations very very low (I have a friend who manages 3 kids- no maid, all home schooled- they iron only once a month and only their sunday best; dinner is mostly leftovers from lunch, and usually simple and steamed; when very stretched, meals are sandwiches)

Thing is- you and Ling need to decide what kind of lifestyle you can live with and what you can’t (I have blogged about this topic before some months back- I think it’s titled the SAHM- a female perspective; my friend also contributed a male perspective) ….

True, it’s not entirely fair to dump the whole burden of childrearing on grandparents, not least cos they are older and have less energy (although that being said, they may also want to feel like they can get involved sometimes, esp if they used to work and didn’t get the chance to raise their own kids in their time)

The issue of maids i often misunderstood…. they need me as much as I need them. I mean, the job gives them a chance to break out of the poverty cycle back home. I actually see it as a form of ministry that I am (I try my best to be) a good employer. After 4 rounds, I am also able to manage them better, so I have evolved my own personal style of being quite firm (and setting fairly standards for housework, service etc) but also being kind (I see to their welfare as women, they get day offs, bonuses, perks, care packages home etc). In return, I am relieved of the more menial tasks so I can concentrate on the more “higher order” aspects of parenting- spending quality time with the kids, playing with them, educating them; I still get involved in the laborious stuff sometimes (bathing, feeding, changing diaper, doing sleep routine), but I can take a break and leave the house for supper with A after the kids have slept if I need to, or we can have our date nights on Sat in peace, knowing our kids are well looked after in our absence (my mum is only over in the weekdays).

Most pple who do without maid/part-time help (or even those with) opt for half-day full day childcare (I know some families with wife at home who also do that), cos eventually, everyone needs a break, and there comes a time (around 3) when the kids’ social/ educational needs so expands that even the parents and family members can’t meet it anymore in its entirety.

]]> By: ann http://www.chekyang.com/musings/2009/07/08/father-mother-and-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-905 ann Thu, 09 Jul 2009 00:49:16 +0000 http://chekyang.com/musings/2009/07/08/father-mother-and-baby/#comment-905 really respect you for not turning to parents and in laws as the first response. that's precisely why chris and i r not keen to have a kid cos we feel that caring for and raising a kid is our responsibility and unless we r able to let me stay home, we'd rather not. i just find the whole idea of singaporeans leaving their kids at their parents' for the whole day and only seeing them at night weird. but living on single income means major lifestyle changes which we're not really prepared to do. having a domestic helper is also weird for me cos i have never had one... it's a stranger living in your house. just some singaporean practices i find weird... but i think you guys are doing well ^^ chris was commenting that you guys r cool to have a birthday bash amidst H1N1 scares cos some parents will freak out about letting too many people come into contact with their kid. kudos to you! as for BS, don't worry about it la... you guys settle down first ^^ pris n i r fine having tete a tete over mani-pedi when there are only two of us =P matt, how about the part when hannah brings home her boyfriend who rides a bike crazily? LOL really respect you for not turning to parents and in laws as the first response. that’s precisely why chris and i r not keen to have a kid cos we feel that caring for and raising a kid is our responsibility and unless we r able to let me stay home, we’d rather not. i just find the whole idea of singaporeans leaving their kids at their parents’ for the whole day and only seeing them at night weird. but living on single income means major lifestyle changes which we’re not really prepared to do. having a domestic helper is also weird for me cos i have never had one… it’s a stranger living in your house. just some singaporean practices i find weird…

but i think you guys are doing well ^^ chris was commenting that you guys r cool to have a birthday bash amidst H1N1 scares cos some parents will freak out about letting too many people come into contact with their kid. kudos to you!

as for BS, don’t worry about it la… you guys settle down first ^^ pris n i r fine having tete a tete over mani-pedi when there are only two of us =P

matt, how about the part when hannah brings home her boyfriend who rides a bike crazily? LOL

]]> By: Matt http://www.chekyang.com/musings/2009/07/08/father-mother-and-baby/comment-page-1/#comment-904 Matt Wed, 08 Jul 2009 02:54:04 +0000 http://chekyang.com/musings/2009/07/08/father-mother-and-baby/#comment-904 Babies are terrifying . . . Teenagers even more so. At least so far, that's my experience. I’ll let you know for sure when Garrett begins to learn to drive (which is only about a year away). If he does so as crazily as he rides his bike, I think it’s safe to say that <i>all</i> the neighborhood parents will agree with me. Heck, we might decide to stuff our teenagers back into a crib until their 21st birthdays! But seriously, it sounds like you two have everything well in hand. You'll grow more confident by the day, and the days will be precious to look back on! An aside: I hope Hannah learns to love durians and cempedaks. Babies are terrifying . . .

Teenagers even more so.

At least so far, that’s my experience. I’ll let you know for sure when Garrett begins to learn to drive (which is only about a year away). If he does so as crazily as he rides his bike, I think it’s safe to say that all the neighborhood parents will agree with me. Heck, we might decide to stuff our teenagers back into a crib until their 21st birthdays!

But seriously, it sounds like you two have everything well in hand. You’ll grow more confident by the day, and the days will be precious to look back on!

An aside: I hope Hannah learns to love durians and cempedaks.

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